17 Days

Till Dave and I are in Haiti and spending some time with Frankie!  Can’t wait!

I guess that means I better get my game plan together for who is watching the girls while we are gone.  That probably would be a good thing to do.  Any takers?

A great day

Today was a great day.  Woke up in NC to a pot of coffee brewing and then to breakfast made for us by my sweet sister-in-law and brother-in-law.  I’m sitting in the back seat of the car between my 2 girls heading to a museum in Raleigh. (did you know that all of them here are free?) The girls LOVED it and so did this mom.  It was such a happy day.  Many times today my mind drifted towards the Ivey family.  Story came home yesterday.  As an adopting parent in the process of a Haitian adoption I just really can’t describe the joy there is when you get to see and know that one of the families in this process… their children come home. No words really.

Aaron said this on his blog last night…. (and I had to post the pictures he posted below.  Just so priceless!)

thanks to my brother TIM for some amazing photos at tonight’s Homecoming in the Austin airport.  Jamie & Story arrived in the airport at 7pm to a crowd of 35+ friends with balloons, posters, and tears.  What a picture of the Church!!  wow.  I’ve posted a few of Tim’s pics on the blog… and you can visit his site to check out his other great shots.  and thanks to everyone that showed up at the airport tonight to welcome Story home!

a bit of UPDATE about her health..
Jamie took her to Dell Children’s ER. as soon as the ER heard the context of adoption, 3rd world, sick, etc… they immediately took her in. this was about 2.5 hours ago (9pmCST).
doctors are concerned about odd symptoms in relation to unknowns of where she’s from.
they took her to a room immediately.  the doctor came in and said, “are you Aaron Ivey’s wife? i know your story and we’re going to take really good care of this little girl.” turns out, he goes to The Stone.  what a Divine action to allow someone who knows us be caring for our daughter the very night she comes home with sickness.
they are running all kinds of tests right now…so many unknowns…checking for spinal meningitis…xrays…etc.  so far, no results…or thoughts on what might be wrong.  she has a fever, very lethargic, has slept 20 hours a day, can’t use her legs, screams because head hurts.

she’ll be there for a while.  i’m glad some of Jamie’s friends are hanging out with her tonight.  and my brother is texting me play-by-play from Story’s hospital room.  i’m counting down the hours to when i get on my plane home tomorrow.

Praying for Story as the doctors figure out what can help her get better.

School

Came downstairs today to find this.  Looks like she is following in her mothers footsteps!  But maybe she’ll decide to actually teach once she goes ahead and gets her degree!

Thankful for our amazing public but oh so private like school and it’s teachers who are investing so much into Emma’s life.

A Confession

This past week I did something crazy.  Something that I should not have done.  We got home late one night and Emma was asking if she could get her hair cut shorter.  It’s been getting a bit long and a bit stringy looking.  So I told her to head to the back porch and I would “trim” her hair.  OK, I can’t even believe I’m about to admit this next part.  Anyway I proceed to chop off a good chunk of the back of her hair and then I go on to Layer her hair and give a short style.

Here is the big problem.  I don’t cut hair.  I’ve never really cut hair and here I go chopping off my daughters beautiful hair and act like I have some sort of degree in cosmetology.  What was I thinking???

The good news is that I believe it turned out ok.  It actually looks pretty darn cute.  If you think it looks chopped up or you may think you have a comment about it… can you just lie to me and tell me you love it and think it’s way too adorable?  So there you have it.  Who does this kind of stuff?  Apparently I do.  I’m crazy and there is a little part of me that thinks I’m losing my mind.  It will grow back…  that is the good news.

Before: (by the way this was picture day at school and I spent 40 minutes curling her hair for her) just some info so you don’t think I was totally crazy for cutting her hair off.  Here hair was getting long and stringy looking.

 

After: (Again no comments unless they are the positive kind)

Death

I fear death.  Not that I am scared of dying but that I want to keep living here and now.  But this reality hit me today.  This is as bad as it gets for me.  If you are a christ follower that is true for you as well.  I struggle with the hardships of life and why I was born in the US while others are born into circumstances out of their control that make life for them hell.  I have struggles I face everyday but I don’t face the injustices that so many others do like a lack of education, food, circumstances that come without control.  It seems so unfair. Especially injustices to children. It hits me at the core of my heart.

Do I believe God is sovereign?  Yes.  Do I believe we still have choice in life and we choose who we serve? Yes.  How that all works together I have no clue.

Death.  It’s something that all of us will face.  We all have an appointment with it.  In some ways I wish I knew when my appointment was just to know.  But it is for certain… it may be in my sleep at an old age, or from Cancer or from a tragic misstep.  But it is coming.

I want to not fear death so much that I don’t live.  Because I need to live and live hard and give… give so much more than I take.  There is too much to be done.  To much opportunity to give.  I fail at it miserably and there are days I feel as if I’m not doing anything.  But this heart of mine wants to do whatever it is that God wants me to do in this life.  To work so terribly hard while there is light.

Jesus says in John 9

^1-2 Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?” ^3-5Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines. When night falls, the workday is over. For as long as I am in the world, there is plenty of light. I am the world’s Light.”

So death, you can come when you want to, at my appointed time but until you find me I will be working hard to be doing something with what I have been given.  Given the greatest gift that one could ever have… and that is you Jesus.  He’s free to anyone who asks.

Get over yourself, Kim.

So here is the thing.  I worked myself up all week for this run today only to do it and realize it was not half as bad as I made it out to be mentally.  Seriously people.. I’ve spent way too much time thinking about it.  For instance… even last night as I tossed and turned I was hearing the rain outside.  And the whole night I kept thinking that we’d have to call the run off.  It’s like growing up in New York as I did and going to bed knowing a snow storm was supposed to come and you are anticipating all night the cancellation of school the next morning.

And even more awful is that last night I dreamed that I found out I was pregnant (which is not and will not be the case) but the whole big deal of it was that I was able to tell Wendy that I could not run with her anymore and how sorry I was.  Go figure!

So all that to say, get over yourself, Kim.  There will be no more whining and negative running talk coming from me on my blog.  I’m done and over it and know after today that the next few weeks will be good, as good as training can get.

And if you happen to live in the Greenville, SC area why don’t you come out the morning of  October 31st and give us a huge cheer as we cross the finish line downtown Greenville.  Oh wait, Wendy, are you reading this???  That means we need to sign up for this thing.  Yeah, us dedicated runners have yet to sign up for the half and yes it’s 2 weeks away.  Maybe they will be full?  Nope, just checked. Plenty of room.  Darn.

It’s the Climb, I mean run

What a climb it has been.  Or I mean run.  I have Hannah Montana AKA Miley running through my head.  I am dreading heading to bed since the morning brings with it the dreaded run.  All 9 miles of it.  Why am I doing this to myself?  I do know.  It’s the journey of friendship and commitment.  But to be honest I’m ready to throw in the towel.  I really am doubting my physical capability. And my mental capability has left me long ago.

In three weeks I’ll be doing another half.  When Wendy asked if I wanted to do it with her I had a sudden lapse of insanity and forgetfulness.  Sure I said.  I can commit to that.  I can commit to running the race on race day but I forgot the 12 week training that is basically the guts of it all.  And that is what has almost done me in.  Not to mention throwing in a Tri in there as well.  And these past 2 weeks I have all but fallen off the training wagon.  What this will mean for me for tomorrow or for a few weeks from now, I’m scared to even ask so if you know please don’t tell me. 

After running now for 10 months I must say that I truly think I’m not a runner.  I really wanted to be one but I think I’m missing something that makes you want to do it… that inner umph that get’s you through the hard days.  I mean does anyone really enjoy running?  Don’t answer that because I know lots of you do.

Here is the most ironic, funny, (well not that funny), bummer of a thing…. In 10 months of runs and miles and sweat… Guess how many pounds the scale records me shedding?  Can you spell Zero?  I mean seriously people!  And I just got my results back from my physical last week for our adoption process and you would think my cholesterol would be much better.  Wrong.  It’s the same as when I never exercised.  So at the end of the day I just want to say Bahumbug to running.

So if you are misserable… then think of me and smile.  Because I can guarentee I am ten times more miserable than you are.  The only thing that I am looking forward to on the 31st is seeing Wendy reach her goal.  She’s doing awesome.  Kicking my butt for sure.  And if you are thinking of asking me to run another one of these things… (Kristen, who I have yet to return your last email) well I’m not sure I’ve got it in me.  I’ve got to cross this next finish line and figure out my next strategic step.

This was me back in April… me when running was my Happy Place.  Oh boy I want to just slap her.  I want to tell her STOP WHILE YOU ARE AHEAD!!!

Here is me tonight… I don’t think I need to make any comments.  You get the point.

Heartline… Maranatha

We receive a monthly email from Heartline.  The ministry that one aspect of it takes care of Maranatha  Childrens Home.  This month they featured info about Maranatha.  So many of you have asked me about Frankie and when I tell you how long the wait has been and will be… I always follow that with the comment of ” but we have so much peace because he is in the best possible place we could ever have hoped for.”  And let me let Beth tell you why….

I must tell you that we have the greatest kids and nannies at the children’s homes.  Although we have two houses and we could easily double the amount of children we have in the homes, we will not exceed twenty kids.  The reason for this is we want to keep a family style atmosphere and for each child to have a mother figure.  A family network is created where each child has siblings, aunties and a mom.  This sets a foundation for bonding with their new family and a life where they can attach and trust.  There is no substitute for this relationship.  Big orphanages can’t maintain these close types of relationships.  Babies and toddlers need a mom.  Children need someone watching them, caring for them and instructing them at all times.  For this reason, we choose quality over quantity.  Haiti has thousands of orphans.  We choose to help a few who will be able to live in a family, love a family and attach to their family.  We try to do it right and the results are eternal.  Children can love.  Children can function as family members.  Our kids are really close to each other and because adoptions take so long adoptive families are now friends.  Many of them have committed to keeping the kids in contact so they will grow up knowing their “Haiti Maranatha Family”. 
We intentionally stay small , we provide many nannies on purpose and we purpose for happy, healthy kids going to a home they can be a family member in.

We with twenty children are better able to give close and personal care and love during the two plus years that they are in Maranatha Children’s Home.  Adoptive parents can be assured that their waiting children are not left unattended, but rather as you can see in the schedule listed below the children’s days are quite full.

Even before the MARANATHA children wake their day is scheduled.  You have to be in good shape to keep up with our Maranatha Kids.

Schedule:

6:00 AM                     Wake-up
6:00 – 6:30                 Bathe & Get Dressed
6:30 – 7:00                 Breakfast
7:00 – 8:00                 Brush Teeth, Massage, Indoor Play
8:00 – 9:00                 Playdough, Swings, Monkey Bars, Trampoline                              
9:00 – 9:15                 Snack
9:15 – 11:00               Books, Blocks & Puzzles, Balls, Chalk, & Bicycles
11-11:30                    Lunch
11:30 – 2:00 PM          Nap Time
2:00 – 2:15                 Snack
2:15 – 3:00                 Video
3:00 – 4:00                 Outdoor Play: Swings, Trampoline, Bicycles
4:00 – 4:30                 Baths
4:30 – 5:00                 Indoor Play: Reading & Free Play
5:00 – 5:30                 Dinner
5:30 – 6:45                 Inside Play
6:45 – 7:45                 Nighttime Routine: Praise Video, Finger Play & Singing, Bible Story & Prayer
7:45 – 8:00                 Brush Teeth
8:00                           Bed

So as you can see Frankie is in GOOD HANDS.  We are so blessed to have found Heartline in this process and  which is another reason why this picture to this date is still one of my favorites.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much peace it brings to me when I’ve had a hard day thinking about him or a sad day missing out on his life from day to day right now.  I’m thankful for the people he has bonded with and who love him so much.

I have another big post brewing…  one that has been needed to be written for a LONG time.  It’s the post on the people… all the people who have helped us in this process financially and through their prayers.  There is not a time in a conversation or when I think of Frankie that I don’t think about all the people who are attached and bonded in this journey who have helped us…  not one moment.  Many days I’m too overwhelmed when I think about it.  But in this waiting…  all I have to do is think of the support and help people have given us and the wait, well it seems so much more bearable.

life – all the more richer

Today our church had a time in the service for prayer for families who have adopted and are adopting.  The crowd is growing.  Love it.  This morning we asked Emma if she wanted to stand with us.  She wanted to.  Funny thing is that after church we had a few people stop us and tell us that they did not know that we had adopted her.  No telling how many other people think that.  I filled them in on our adoption of Frankie from Haiti.  Always love a chance to share a little of our family with people.

Today is a day that is a simple day but can leave me personally so aware of this process.  It’s easy to keep moving with life and not stop and think that we have known of Frankie now for a year and a half.  Today I became painfully aware of the absence of his presence.  Aware of the journey we walk.  Aware of the details and mountains we have already crossed but look at the ones ahead that seem so big.  I went back on my tracking on my blog  just to be reminded of this process.   It was May 2008 that we discovered Heartline and I saw Frankie for the first time standing in his crib not knowing that in a few months random things would come together and he would be that certain child that would be referred to us. 

10/09/09 – All docs done for HS
10/01/09 – Kim Physical…………
09/29/09 – Dave Physical……….
09/25/09 – Fingerprinted………..
08/15/09 – Have to redo HS…….
08/01/09 – 1-600A on Hold………
07/27/09 – Filed our I-600A……..
07/17/09 – Home Study update…
04/24/09 – Submitted into IBESR
02/08/09 – Waiting to get into IBESR
10/16/08 – Dossier arrived in Haiti.
10/10/08 – Dossier to Haiti!!!!!!!!
10/06/08 – Docs. back from Chicago
09/30/08 – Sent documents to Chicago
09/17/08 – All docs. translated
09/15/08 – Sent docs to get State Authenticated…………………….
08/21/08 – Psych Evaluation……
08/14/08 – Sent off 2 documents for State Certification in PA and FL.
08/13/08 – Final Home Study Visit
08/06/08 – Dave Physical………..
08/05/08 – Kim Physical………….
07/16/08 – Referral of Frankie……
07/15/08 – Second Home Study Visit
06/27/08 – Found Translator……
06/26/08 – Sent off Application…
06/26/08 – First Home Study Visit
06/06/08 – Found Homestudy person
05/13/08 – Received Application..
05/12/08 – Contacted Heartline..
05/04/08 – Visited Heartline in Haiti

Just last week Dave and  I booked a trip to go see our son.  We’ll head to Haiti in November.  I can’t wait.  I can’t wait to take Dave to see Haiti for the first time and to also have him meet his son for the first time.  It’s been almost 10 months since I last saw him.   10 Months of pictures. Here is one taken just a few weeks ago from our friends who were there visiting their daughter.  The only good thing about this whole long process is that we’ve had the chance to meet and journey with people who know exactly what we are feeling since they are in the midst of the same emotions and journey.  The internet and blogging and facebook has been huge for connection.  I’m so thankful for the people we have met in this process.

Can you believe this guy?  He is growing.  His hair is growing. (although he’s been asking for it to be cut)

Frankie with Shelley.  Shelley and her husband take care of the care of all the children in the boys and girls home.  We are so thankful for them and the care and direction they give the nannies that care for the kids.  They are doing all they can to prepare them to successfully bond with our family and our life here.

And here is my best picture yet.  This is my friend Sarah who actually got me all of these pictures.  There is nothing like a friend whom you’ve journeyed the adoption road with..  well this picture says it all for me.  I’m thankful for them and glad she was able to love on Frankie.  I’m hoping to return the favor in November.

So days like today?  They are hard ones.  Would not trade any of this journey.  The thing is, when God places something on your heart… at least for us we want to be obedient.  We love that we get to grow our family through adoption.  We would encourage anyone who has that desire at all to look into it and go for it.  We’ve already learned so much.  Am I scared of all the what if’s that could be waiting for us down the road?  Sure I am.  I pray every day that the Lord would prepare all of our hearts for the time when we all get to be under one roof and be family.  I’m made ever so aware of the threads that are already being strung together as each night Izzie our almost three year old prays for Frankie.  Every night she says “thank you God for Frankie. ”  We agree.  We are thankful for our two girls and our one son who make this life we life all the more richer.

Sit and stare

I am still here.

Never in my life have I had more to share and yet somehow with each attempt to sit down at the computer and share I find that the only thing that I  can do is stare and then I walk away.

So much has been invested by our family in life, ministry, friends, adoption, heartbreak, trying to grasp understanding in so many different situations that leave us with plates that seem to just be spinning.  Will they come crashing down?  Will they spin forever?  Does it matter that we are even trying so very hard to spin them?  I really don’t know. I just don’t know. And you can’t control the plates that other people spin but yet sometimes they come flying into yours and well now you just have broken plates.

And see I’m already confusing you.  Many reasons why right now I should just sit and stare… it does not even seem worth attempting…. I mean I’m talking plates people.  I like white simple plates.  We’ve had them for 12 years and counting.  They go with everything.  I’m sorry if you come to my house and your bored with seeing them. I don’t need to be persuaded that they have been wrong for my look all along and that now there is a new look I need.  I don’t want new plates and I don’t want the ones I have to  get broken.   I don’t have enough money to buy new ones anyway.

 Dave and I just booked a trip in November to go see Frankie.  I miss him.  I need to see him.  I can’t wait for Dave to experience Haiti, the country that has captured my heart.  I can’t wait for him to meet his son.  Our girls are making our life together so much fun.  They bring so much joy to each moment.  Our friends… we are thankful for them.  I am thankful for them.