Blogging is Therapy

Blogging is therapy right?  If that’s the case I’m in need of major therapy.  There are about 3-4 times in the day where I stop and hit a thought process and think to myself… I need to blog about that.  Not to inform the world but for my sake… to process it out.  Right now I have so many things spinning that I can’t even begin to process it.  Which means I get on bloglines each day and catch up on the people that I enjoy catching up on and leave my own story out there blank.  I have not even had the umph to update my facebook status.  Does this mean I’m depressed?  Who knows.  I think it means I have way too much crap/heartache/worries/feelings of change/tiredness/sickness/clean it out/enjoy the moment stuff going on.  Make any sense at all.  So for sake of getting all the blogs out… here is my word vomit for tonight… I’m only giving myself 10 minutes then I’m done.

We live in a messed up world.  It’s ugly.  It leaves no survivors unscathed. I’m fragile.  My heart is broken over the time it’s going to take us to get Frankie home.  Would not trade it but time… it’s a cruel thing sometimes.  I’m tired.  I have too many plates in the air.  Feeling like I am committed too many places.  It’s not a bad thing, maybe it’s good but at the end of the day I find I did not take a moment to breath.  Want to keep pushing.  Setting goals and meeting them. I have not run in 2 weeks.  It was a good break.  I’m ready to go and listen to music and just run.  I’m sad for those who have been so effected by this economy.  I watch people bust their ass and make little money and they are the ones who owe uncle Sam.  Yes I said ass.  I’d like to cuss more on my blog but don’t want to offend anyone.  I don’t even consider Ass a cuss word so I guess that does not count. I saw a guy for the first time outside on the main road with a sign… I need work.  I feel blessed I have a job but even in that I know change is coming.  I think it will be good. Community… some people want it others don’t.  Makes no sense to me either way.  I just don’t want to do life alone.  Dave and I were at Disney and I thought I wish we had others here to join our family to share in these fun times together.  I’m a community girl.  And yet I guard myself … I’m hard to get to know people tell me.. makes no sense to me.  Talked to a high schooler the other day about Haiti.  They said, “people really live that way?” I wanted to slap them. What has become of the next generation who have no clue about life.  I’ve encountered more people this past month that are destroying their lives.  Why? Why? Why?  It’s amazing how bad choices can eat you alive and leave you a walking corpse.  Change…  I think it’s coming.  I have no clue what that is or means but I can smell it in the air.  Change is good, I need to work better at it.  Kids. My kids rock.  Seriously they do.  I love being a mom and catching all the moments.  Now I’m loosing the train of thoughts.  I need things to be clean.  I’m spring cleaning the house and it’s such therapy…  told you this was a mumble of things.  If your still with me, thanks for reading.  I really desire to encourage other people with the simple fact of the story and journey of my daily life.  Not sure I’m encouraging many anymore.  Wish I was more creative.  Wish I had time to be a world changer blogger.  If I had time I would post pictures of my race, our trip to Disney, Frankie… I need to hold him again so bad.  I just need to hold him.  How do you fill that void?  I never understood the reality of this process. 

Yes, blogging is therapy and as you can see if I could afford it, I could probably hash out a few things.

I sure showed her!

That is what Izzie told me today….  Dear sweet Izzie.  Don’t you just love kids?  My oldest is such a pleaser and Izzie… well she’s going to be brilliant like her dad I believe.  I mean at the ripe old age of 2 she has her defiance/obedience nailed down.  She’ll throw something and when asked to pick it up… she’ll pick it up but she’ll first act like a dog and only give it to you in her mouth in return.  Don’t ask.  We’ve tried zillions of times to work through this with her but we now ignore her obedience with defiance and thank her for picking up what she threw.

Today she was going potty and I normally come behind her and make sure she’s wiped like she should.  Today she had a total meltdown because she felt she did a good job herself and how dare I try and help.  I simply closed the bathroom door and let her work out her feelings.  Soon the crying stopped and the door opened.  She came out with a big grin as if to say “that will show her!” When I put 2 and 2 together and opened the door this is what I found….

Oh dear sweet Izzie, when will you learn that you can’t play these games and win.  She really enjoyed her time in the naughty chair.. so in the end I showed her! Sorry for taking the pictures.  It’s just that these times as frustrating as they are vanish all too quickly.  I love my girls and each day is a wonderful adventure.  They really keep me on my toes! And this little girl gave me such a laugh today!

Drum Roll…..

We finished the race.  As soon as I get pictures I’ll post them.  It was a great day. I was really nervous as it started but then it became fun.  Dave and I ran with our friends David and Courtney so that made things fun…too fun.  Can I say fun one more time?  Running/fun/who knew?    I just got on the race site to see our stats…  Um, do I dare even post them?  It just matters that we finished right?  Anyway out of 1150 half marathon runners…  I was the 1118 person to cross the line.  Wow, were we that bad?  No not really but just goes to show you how good some runners are out there that compete at this thing.  We ran a 12:42 minute mile… which for me was just great.  The best best  best part of the whole day was a few seconds before crossing the finish line Courtney and I grabbed hands and crossed it in victory together.  Which leads me to this last point.  There are A LOT of things that you can choose to do in life alone and for those that do that… awesome…  But if you choose to invest and do life with others… well then that awesome just turned into Fandango.  I’m so thankful for this Awesome experience but more thankful that it was not experienced alone but along side a team mate…. and for that, it was Fandango!

Oh and last of all… my apologies for being the first time runner who….

• made my team wait at mile 2 while I ran to the bathroom…  I so messed up our time during that stop.
• almost got hit by a car because I started running outside the cones

 

1118 137   882 Kim Rhodes           33 F Greer        SC 2:44:48 2:46:28 12:42

Today – last day of training!!! Woohoo!!!

I’ll be honest.. I can get pretty annoyed with people’s blogs or facebook statuses that always update on “I’ve ran this many miles today or I did this class at the gym etc.”  Half the time I’m annoyed because I’m normally sitting on my butt eating anything in sight and don’t want to hear it.  And I myself have become that person in some ways with status updates on my training etc.  But hey…  Here’s three more days of plugs and I’m going to brag till I’m blue in the face… Why you ask?  Well for one, today I marked off my last training run on my calendar.  I’m finished training and in less than 30 hrs I’ll be in Charlotte running a half marathon.  Something I’ve never really deamed possible.  So above is me.. last day of training.  My Awesome hubby gave me a $25 gift card to sports academy and I found myself an official runners outfit on the clearance rack.  Had to break it in before the big day.  So I look the part but this time I”m actually playing the part as well.

Things I’ve learned

• Running… it’s really not all that bad… gulp dare I say it’s been enjoyable?
• Who would have ever thought I’d say… “I just have to do 5 today.. no biggy.”
• I’ve not lost 1 pound in 12 weeks of training.  Amazing.  I will say that my muscles have changed so I feel like I’ve changed a bit but those darn scales don’t show a thing.
• I was out 2 weeks with major pain in my feet.  Not sure what happened but one day I woke up and it was gone (and I got different shoes) who knows!
• Shoes – yes, they do matter. 
• Commitment to something takes many ups and downs.  It was SO HARD the first three weeks but then it got better. 
• My running partner – Courtney…  what fun we have had training together.  I would not have traded this journey with her for any other person.  I hope we keep this going.
• I will never run a marathon… I know they say.. never say never… but I think I can safely say I’ve reached my max at 13.1
• I want to start a weekend running club for ladies that live by… let’s all get together and run 3 miles…..
• I had a dream that I had to run without my ipod and well I could not do it.  I’m addicted to music while running.  If it was not for my  little shuffle I would have been done after my first run.
• All props to Courtney for always carrying our water on her…  I’ve mooched too many times to count.
• The best thing… I get my shoes on and Izzie always says…. Mommy going running with Courtney?   Yup mommy’s going running and that means you get to play with Millie.
• And many thanks to my dear mother who stayed an extra hour many days when I got home from work so that I could get my run in. 
• And of course many thanks to my dear husband who has also made it possible for me to get out and run… although I dare say that he’s enjoyed the benefits of my new found joy of running so I think he has ulterior motives.

I’ll keep you posted.  Think of me this Saturday morning…  The Reichley’s and the Rhodes family will be trying to get our miles in before they kick us off the course!  Happy trails to you!

Have you missed me?

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have had a thought go through my head these past few weeks that deserved a major blog… but then the time escapes me….  If I could have been keeping you up to date here are some of the things I would have taken time to tell you about.

• The crazy travel schedule my husband has kept this spring.  So thankful for the opportunities he gets to take Wayfarer on the road but I’ll be honest it felt like he was gone every weekend. 
• April – I need to count how many days in April that we are actually home and don’t have commitments…  soccer/school/tennis/showers/half marathon/trip to fl with Dave on one of his events/wayfarer golf/meetings… you get my point.
• Frankie… Frankie… Frankie… Celebrating major break throughs this month but also have had the most heavy heavy heart I’ve had in this whole process.  Crying in Kohls buying him clothes.. crying a week later washing the clothes.. crying packing the clothes (our friends are heading to Haiti at the end of the month and are taking him some things for us)
• Prayer times at night with the girls.  If you could hear my 2 year old and the things she talks to Jesus about before bed… Well it has brought this mom so many laughs and tears.  What a joy our kids are to us.
• Running – Who would have ever thought I could run 10 miles? Not me.  I am so looking forward to this weekend and crossing the finish line with my training partner Courtney and my hubby….  Something I’ve always wanted to do and it’s really felt good to be running.
• Tennis – oh tennis how I love thee… but it’s a tough one to swallow when I’m the weekest link on our team.  So not used to being that person.  I’m always one to contribute but not in this moment or time…   I’ll get there but it’s been a humbling ride.  But I still do love thee
• Work – I love my job but I’ll be honest… I’ve never been so busy and feeling like there is always more to do that I did not get to.  It’s a good problem to have but it has made my days really focused and full.  almost too full but I’m thankful for a job.
• Max and Ruby and Wow Wow Wubzy…  They have watched my children more than I would like but hey we all need the break.  There could be worse things buying for their time.
• Family… celebrated Kayleighs b-day together and also Easter with Dave’s family.  Have to pinch myself…  I still can not believe they are here in the upstate.  It’s such a blessing….
• Well kids are tired and bed is calling…. need to upload Easter Pictures and so many other things… Instead I’ll head to bed early, grab a book and catch up on the latest with Edward.

Frankie’s B-day in Haiti

I was told that ….   “He was dying to grab the flame on the candles! He is truly a darling. I don’t know if this is crazy or not – but knowing the family that a child belongs to brings the whole experience of raising these children into an entirely different light. There are things which Frankie does that just crack me up and I know that you would so enjoy him – and WILL ENJOY him! Frankie mushed, and squashed, and ran over, and spread out his little cake. And then, he ate it! He is a delight.”

Breakthroughs….

Been Praying for some Breakthroughs this week with our process with Frankie and I’m not being surprised when they are happening.  I am looking forward to each day and what will happen as “good news”.

Yesterday I received some updated information on some questions I have had from our contact.  Everyone is always so busy that updates become hard to get at times.  I was so glad to see info in my inbox.  All is well with Frankie and we have some friends going to visit their child in late April and I was able to get some info on some things I can send Frankie and his friends.

This week we received two donations for our adoption fund.  With out fail God continues to be so faithful in providing our adoption loan payment each month. 

My heart continues to be stirred every day by the thought and reality of this long adoption process and the sweet little boy at the top of this page.  Knowing that this process is so long my heart has been so urged to pray specifically for Frankie and the relationships he is building with friends and nannies and people he interacts with everyday.  Praying that God would bless this little guy and help him grow in love, in faith, in personality as he is missing one main thing these next few years…. a family. 

I am expecting great news soon about our dossier finally being entered into IBESR.  With us it’s impossible but with God it’s not!  I’m praying that Junior who handles all the paperwork for Heartline Adoptions gets his l socks blown off at the progress that is made this week with all Maranatha adoption files!!!!!!