(re)defined

Entries from January 2009

The Joy of a Friend

January 30, 2009 · 2 Comments

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This is the last post for me for a while on Haiti.  I’ve been home now for 3 days and am finally getting some feeling back as to what it was like seeing and being with Frankie for the first time.  Thank you all so much who have followed our journey and my trip back to Haiti….  I wanted to finish my thoughts on the trip with thoughts on the people I went with.

When Dave and I started our adoption journey through Haiti back in June we never would have imagined that within a few short weeks of making that decision that two other families also on the trip with me this past May would be making the same decision as well.  And better yet, I never would imagine that only 8 months after we first spent a week together serving in Haiti that we would all three return together but this time as mothers eager to each meet and see our children.  8 Months.  Life has changed for all of us in that short period of time. 

Sarah  pictured to my right and her husband are adopting Naomi from Maranatha… the same place that Frankie is at.  Debra on the far right and her family are adopting Ronel who lives with Licia and Lori at the Rescue Center in Cazale.  They each have a wonderful story as to how God called their families to make this journey.  But I must say that like myself it all started in May with our visit to Haiti.  The trip that changed all of our lives.  It was the first time Sarah or Debra had  been to Haiti.  I would love to one day here in the future to gather a group of people and take them to Haiti for a visit.  I think that those who would decide to go would be amazed at how just one week there would possible change their lives forever in so many different ways.  I’m so thankful that Aaron and Jamie Ivey did that for a group of us back in May.

You never know when God will bring amazing people into your life to walk with you through anything that you may be going through.  I am so thankful for these woman.  On our last night together in Miami before we headed our own ways the following morning we just had a great girl time together.  I think the reality set in that to all of us that this journey is not just a two year journey together but that it’s a life journey together.  That God has made such a special bond between all of us and I know that our hopes and desires are that as our children one day come home that we will be able to celebrate life together with our kids until we all reach a very old age.

So 8 months.  Life can change in 8 months.  It has brought our family a new family member, cherished friends, a different way of living life from day to day, provisions as so many people have generously given towards our adoption.  I wonder what God will do in your life these next 8 months for us and for you.  Anything is possible.

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A Picture Really Says a Thousand Words

January 29, 2009 · 4 Comments

I took lots of pictures while in Haiti.  Let’s just say at least I can push a button on a camera.  That is about as much as I know to do.  And then my friend Debra who is an amazing photographer took less than a minute and captured these.  They are my favorite.  Just wanted to share them with you.

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Saying Goodbye…

January 27, 2009 · 3 Comments

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Saying Goodbye…

Ok, so really….  Had no clue it was ever going to be as hard as it was.  I still can’t talk about it.  I’ve seen other adoptive parents say goodbye.  I’ve read their thoughts after the fact.  I really had no idea. 

I got home safe today and enjoyed the evening with my family.  I’m so tired… emotionally and physically……  maybe soon I’ll be able to talk about the ugh factor that has hold of my heart…. or maybe not. 

No one ever said this journey was going to be easy.  It’s such a hard road to walk.  But once again I will say and say it till Frankie makes his way to our family here…..  It’s ALL worth it.  The Hope we Have will remain, the Faith we Have will keep us moving, and the Love we Have and Feel for Frankie our son will continue to grow even as we are apart.

Thanks for all of you who prayed for me while I was in Haiti and followed my journey there.  It really was a trip I will never forget.

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My Sunday Date

January 25, 2009 · 6 Comments

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My appologies for all the pictures with me in them.  I really don’t like posting myself but I get so many pictures of just Frankie that having me in them finally…. well just say… I love it.

So I had a date today with my son.  It started with our time together at church.  I wondered how he would do.  It’s not often he gets outside of the boys home and so it was pretty new for him to drive in a vehicle and attend a church service.  Maranatha takes the kids to church when they are older and since Frankie is the youngest at the boys home, well he has yet to make that trip.  So it was special for me that I was able to take him for his first time in a long time.  Since Izzie is his age I figured he’d be all over the place but that was not the case.  For 3 hours he sat in my lap and slept for most of it.  Nothing like holding your sleeping child when you don’t ever really get to do that.

After church we had lunch at John and Beths.  Frankie and I played and ate and played some more.  I tell you what, boys are a different breed.  It’s so different than what I am used to with my girls.  He runs, wipes out, gets up and keeps going.  Emma or Izzie would have taken any of the falls he does and would be down for the count.  I must say this is a much needed and wonderful dynamic for me.  He’s all boy and I love it.

This evening I went and read stories to all of Frankies friends.  And then after that grabbed Frankie for some quite time together and off he went fast asleep in my arms.  He had a very busy and abnormal day for him and it really wore him out.  I gently put him in his crib and gave him one last kiss goodnight. 

Tomorrow I leave.  I have mixed emotions.  I have loved every minute of entering Frankies life but it’s hard because just as quick as I have entered it… I now leave.  I talked to another adoptive mom tonight and this is the second time for them visiting their kids.  She said that once you meet your children it’s almost as if you ruin their existing life.  Because as much love they are given by all the people at Marantha and their nannies etc, once they experience the love of a parent they really are never the same…  ruined … but ruined in a good way.  After thinking about it I think I agree with her.  I don’t hope for Frankie’s life to be ruined from now until he comes home but I do hope that he senses a void…no matter how big or small that may be of his mothers love.  And that when at last we join together again on this journey that he will unmistakeably know that void is filled. 

I’ll cherish my time with him tomorrow and then say my farewell….until next time…..

 

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Day 2 – Swinging

January 24, 2009 · 4 Comments

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Swinging.

 

I think that is the theme of today.  Frankie had a fun time swinging and so did I.  Spending time with Frankie is has really been amazing.  I’ve really enjoyed watching him as he interacts with his nannies and friends.  And then I’ll step in and try to get his attention as well.  It’s a real act of swinging for me too.  I was able to bring him back to the house I am staying at for the afternoon.  We played a bit, got sticky together eating our lolly pops… (that was a big hit), took a swim in a pool..(he loved that) gave him a Haitian bath as I like to call it (cups of cold water over the head) sat and cuddled for a video and then ate dinner together before heading back to the boys home.  You know all the things moms do with their kids.

 

It is weird just visiting.  Trying to find the balance between letting him keep on his schedule and then trying to take time for myself.  Having our two worlds collide when in just a few days he goes back to his normal while I head back to mine as we wait the long wait.  I love that I get to be Frankie’s mom.  He has started calling me “ma ma”.  And thus all the boys at the boys home think that is my name so they all call me ma ma.  I keep telling him about 100 times a day…. “I love you Frankie Rhodes.  I love you.  Mama loves you.” He started saying back tonight… I love you, repeating my English words.  One day I know that these words will really change from a “saying” to words of truth seared on his heart.  Because that in fact is the truth.  We love you Frankie Rhodes and are honored that God has started this journey for you to become part of our family.  I’m thrilled I get to see your daily life at this stop on our journey together.  They are cherished times.

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Finally

January 23, 2009 · 10 Comments

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no words…..

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Leaving on a Jet Plane

January 22, 2009 · 4 Comments

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This is my friend Jamie in this picture with Frankie.  Jamie and her husband lead our trip this past May to Haiti and since then they had been back to see their kids and were able to see Frankie.  I love this picture.  But what I love even more is that tomorrow I’ll finally be in a picture with Frankie as well and I can’t wait!

I leave this evening to fly to Dallas and then tomorrow morning will fly to Miami and then will be in Haiti by lunch (if all goes as scheduled).  Does someone want to come and pinch me?  I have very random emotions and thoughts flying through this crazy head of mine…..

  • Oh how I hate flying.  Some long flights these next 2 days.
  • I can’t wait to see Sarah tonight.  We are meeting up in Dallas and spending the long weekend together with our kids. 
  • I can’t believe I am getting to go back to Haiti.  Last May when I left and looked out the plane window as it faded in the background…. I never imagined that by January I would be returning.  That we would be adopting Frankie.  That I would get to go back with some awesome girls from our team (Sarah and Debra) that I did not know when I would see again.
  • I am looking forward to meeting Shelley who we will be staying with and seeing Tara and Beth.
  • It feels weird leaving my girls. Dave travels all the time and comes and goes but this mommy is not used to doing that.  I hate leaving my family.
  • Am I  really meeting Frankie for the first time tomorrow?  Yes I am nervous.. but not really???  It’s a weird feeling.  I’m his mom but he’s also almost 2 and that is a big age for stranger anxiety.  I am just praying for a great time of many moments this weekend together.
  • I wonder if I have any clue as to what I am in for as far as being with Frankie a few days and then having to come home… knowing we are not even in IBESR yet. 
  • I pray every day that our papers will get entered.  We really want to begin this process officially.  I can’t wait to learn more about our status when we are down there.
  • Please let my bags be both right at and under 50lbs.  I’m taking in some supplies and the bags seem pretty heavy to me.  I hardly packed any clothes for myself… I’ll worry till I get them checked in.
  • I am so blown away but all the support we have received so far… financial, emotional, prayer support.  So many people have been so encouraging to us in this journey.  Much love to you all.
  • And for the family who gave me the free ticket to see Frankie this weekend…..  Thank you for your amazing gift to me.  No words.

And those are a few of my randoms this morning.  Hopefully I’ll get to post some this weekend from Haiti and if not I’ll be sure to update everyone from our trip when I return.

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3 days

January 20, 2009 · 2 Comments

In 3 days I’ll be in Haiti spending a long weekend with Frankie.  I’m so excited but also nervous as well.  Officially meeting your son for the first time…. well enough said.  It’s been a crazy week here already with so many things going on and then we had a snow day today but funny thing is that there was no snow.  Gotta love the South.  Those of us who are true northerners… no comments needed.

Dave and I are sitting here tonight watching the inauguration ceremonies of today.  What a truly amazing day!

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Yes, we are all this tired

January 15, 2009 · 2 Comments

I sat Izzie down for a snack this afternoon and 5 minutes later this is what I found….

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Needless to say she represents how EVERYONE feels in this house right now.  It’s been a very long and emotionally draining week.  Dave and I also attended Danny’s funeral today.  No words.  It’s been hard watching my husband grieve over what has happened.  Again, no words.

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Remembering Danny

January 14, 2009 · Leave a Comment

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Yesterday my husband got the news that one of his first Mentors Danny Goodman (seen above on the left) had passed away suddenly from a heart attack at the age of 40.  It’s really wrecked Dave and as his wife I just sit back and don’t know what to say to comfort or challenge him.  We’ll be heading to NC tomorrow to attend his funeral.  Dave is not a blogger (although he should be) he is posting his thoughts on the Wayfarer site but I wanted to include them here as well.  I only met Danny a few times.  But I will always be so thankful for the investment he had in my husband.  Our family is doing what we are doing today because of him. 

Remembering Danny

It is with deep sadness, profound laughter and an inspiring sense of awe that I mourn and celebrate the life of my first mentor, Danny Goodman. Danny was the kind of guy who could mix parabolic interpretation with the lyrics of Natalie Merchant and Ten Thousand Maniacs and it just kind of made sense. He loved to laugh. He loved to learn. He loved to inspire. But mostly, he loved to do all these things with others. I will never forget when, as a 20 year old student, I entered a New Testament Hermeneutics class with a young 27 year old professor still awaiting the final stages of defending his dissertation and receiving his PhD. He was asking, “Is interpretation without presuppositions possible?” and I wasn’t sure about either of them. I was a kid who thought I knew a lot—a lot about God, a lot about life and a lot about purpose and meaning in the world. And then Danny, in a way that only he could, with index fingers and thumbs shaped in the form of an L, launched into a passionate dialogue that continues in my mind and heart until this day. In typical Jesus style, Danny unleashed a stick of dynamite in my soul that shattered my preconceptions and brought me to a Jesus that I had silently hoped existed but somehow in all my religious study had missed. And I loved it. In fact, I’ve never gotten over it.

 

The semester and years to follow were filled with classroom dialogue that often spilled over into lunches, and after that to the tables outside the student center. We signed up for more classes but really what we were signing up for was more conversations with Danny. In fact, I often found myself in classes that I was getting no credit for because I just had to get in on more of what this compelling and befriending mentor kept pouring into my life. He was my personal Howard Hendricks—breaking the rules of the normal teacher/student distancing and coming up close and personal with his friendship and encouragement.

 

I’ll never forget the first paper I handed in for him. We kept wondering why it was taking him so long to get our papers back to us. We wanted our grades and just wanted to know where we stood. And that’s about the time that Danny handed me back my paper with notes and comments scribbled on just about every line and a letter attached inside an envelope thanking me for my contribution to the dialogue, pointing out my significant insights, challenging and critiquing places that needed improvement and always inspiring me to continue to learn. Danny just felt that if we were handing in ten pages that it was appropriate for him to write us back a page or two. I had never, and have never since, heard of a professor doing anything like it. I was a twenty year old kid and he acted as if I had just posted the 95 Theses. I had no business critiquing Bultmann or Barth or whoever we happened to be reading, but Danny made me feel as if I too had something to contribute to the conversation and he seemed to read my work with the same fervor that he read theirs. He simply believed in what could be in my life and he refused to let me settle for anything less.

 

Years later, when I drove up to spend an afternoon with Danny to tell him how much his teaching and friendship had meant to my life, I happened to show him some of the things I was working on. And that’s when I saw once again that Danny was still doing what he does best—inspiring everyone around him with his passion, zeal, intelligence, wit and compassion. I had been given the opportunity to write a few devotional books, curriculum and other published pieces that I look back at now and laugh at. But Danny, of course, made me feel like I had surpassed his own scholarship and was really taking new ground in my subjects of study. He kept investing in my life—long after he was paid to do so.

 

Just before I learned of Danny’s death, Brooks and I had spent an afternoon in conversation about great preachers and the scholars and theologians that inspired them. It seems like most great communicators are just transferring ideas of another great intellect and putting them in a dialect others can hear. While Danny needed no interpretation, Chris and I had set it on our calendar to drive up and meet with Danny and ask him to be this kind of intellect and theologian to our ministry here at Wayfarer. While, I do not know whether he would have accepted this opportunity I do hope that he would be honored buy it. His teaching simply deserves an audience. And now that he is gone all of us who learned from him I think bear that responsibility.

 

My brother says that from the way that I describe Danny that he seems like a professor worth imitating. It is true. Everyone who was around Danny wanted to be like Danny. In fact, I am pretty sure today that any gift, talent, ability, knowledge, or passion that people identify in me somehow makes its way back to something Danny said or did. You may have heard of six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Well, I’m pretty sure that much of the good in my life can be traced in some way within six moves of Danny Goodman. No mentor has impacted my life more. Thank you Danny for redefining normal, for making yourself available and inviting me in on your life. I will do my best to make sure your legacy lives on in my life and teaching.

 

Remembering you always,

David Rhodes

 

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